Rukia or Orihime?
by Horror Button
Summary: More info inside.


This right here is pure CRACK and it's also the end product of eating junk food ad ice cream with friends while watching Ranma 1/2.

Take this fanfic how ever you want, I'm tagging it as Ichiruki. It's one sided Ichihime straight through this one shot till the end with a huge twist. There's also gonna be some-There is going to be Ichihime bashing because Jello and I were eating our second box of scribblers.

I know, this is complete OOC

Soo...

Alrighty.

Read and Review?

One-shot

Crack/Humor/Parody

* * *

I all came down to this.

Rukia or Orihime?

It was clear to every man to choose Orihime who has the busty chest and ass that's support every man's most carnal fantasies Rukia?

Tiny little Rukia who has yet to fully develop?

Ichigo chose the obvious.

Chest and ass.

Heart broken, Rukia left back to Soul Society, never to be heard from again...

Meanwhile...

Ichigo and Orihime had a blast fornicating and-well, fornicating when Ichigo isn't out slaying hollows, honing his powers, and the occasional puking from Orihime's cooking-But hey, her looks makes up for her lack of a brain...

Other than that, things are going great-especially when Orihime was dubbed as a MILF by their children's friends- this is the biggest complement both Ichigo and especially Orihime basks in the tittle of being a MILF.

* * *

7 years later...

**Orihime started to feel "_loose" _when Ichigo fornicates with her...**

Pft, Ichigo doesn't mind. It happens when they have a ton of unplanned babies.

**Wrinkles started to form...**

Pft, he doesn't mind, he has wrinkles too.

**_Things_ started to _sag...to the knee..._**

...

Well, she still has her health.

**Orihime lost her tittle as MILF.**

Che, what do little punks like them know?

They are now 60, as Orihime aged and wrinkles grew more predominate as does Ichigo-he gained a few pounds too with black white hair as he retired being a shinigami.

It's now the Moon festival in Karakura as the big bright moon glows above the cheerful Karakura moon festival where children and adults who all laugh and cheer as they dressed up in traditional clothing. Ichigo in his standard Shinigam uniform and Orihime wears a revealing Kimono, attempting to regain the tittle of MILF as she covers up her liver spots with with bottles of concealer.

The pair walks walks together, arms linked with one an-

"Jiji! Jiji! Jiji!" Their litter of grandchildren happily cheered. "There's a MILF up ahead!"

Orihime turned paled. How dare someone steal her tittle as-

Cute Childish squeals of delight was heard...

The cute Childish squeals of delight belonged to...

* * *

Cheers of delight and laughter surrounded a certain stall that awards Chappy plushies to winners and there happens to be a raven haired beauty swooning over the many Chappy plushies-but!

She has to consult with her child whether it was worth the trouble or not.

"Yuki~~" The raven hair beauty sweetly cooed as she batted her think black eyelashes once she bends down to her tiny daughter's level, whispering, "Do you think we can sneak back that large Chappy plushie to Soul Society without your dad noticing?"

Violets eyes beamed up from a tiny little girl who smiles a toothy smile. "Nuuu... We can't bring that big of a Chappy back to Soul-"

"Whyyy nooottttt" Raven hair beauty pouted with her pink shinny lips. "We could always tell your dad that-"

"Rukia!?"'

Violet eyes widen the moment someone called Rukia by her name. No one in the real world knows her name and that annoying matured voice that left her for Orihime? Rukia recognizes it in a heart beat.

"Kurosaki..." Rukia's voice quietly quivers once she grabs Yuki's hand. "Let's go somewhere el-"

"Nuuu!" Yuki squirms. "We haven't been here for-"

It was already too late to leave once Rukia felt the cold touch of death gripping her tiny wrist. She knew who it was with his weak reistu...

"Rukia?" The voice fragile voice quizzically addressed once Rukia lets out s deep huff. There's no going away from this-not when they are surrounded by humans.

Releasing a soft huff, Rukia slowly turns around and to Ichigo's surprise, Rukia looks stunning. Hot damn, Ichigo wasn't eveb sure if it was really Rukia with that nice bubbly peach ass in a nicely fitted white Kinomo that asked for a good ole' spank- and how Rukia looks no older than 23?

Ichigo started to kick himself.

Rukia on the other hand...

She stares at Ichigo oddly. He's not the Ichigo she remembers... The Ichigo with the abs that make any woman drool is gone and Ichigo's Orange hair? It's now white-not to mention the the sagging skin and that old people human smell-

_Wait!_ Rukia interternally thought once her violet eyes narrowed. _Is that-nooo... That can't be... Inoue?_

A smile started to sureface when she saw Orihime clinging on youth.

Sweetly, Rukia batted her thick black eyelashes as her soft slender hand pulls Yuki infront of her as she loops her arms around Yuki's neck, confusing Yuki- but, Yuki remained quiet as she watched her mom speak to two old human people.

"Kurosaki?" Rukia quizzically addressed as her violet flower hair pin cheerfully tinkles once Rukia mockingly tilts her head. "Is that really you?"

Ichigo's gaping jaw draw annoyance from Orihime who _sweetly_ spoke for him. "Kuchiki san! I almost didn't recognize you because-because-because-"

Orihime's brain began to fry once she nudges Ichigo. "Say something!"

Ichigo couldn't say anything. He was at a lost of words when he saw how well developed Rukia has become... With her well defined curves and WELL developed chest-not to mention that bubbly peach ass?

Hell, Rukia had the better end of deal when she ended up with Renji who became a Captain after the winter war and still maintain that god like body and not have that old people smell.

Slightly giggling, Rukia whispers to Yuki, "Why don't we go home right now? I bet uncle Byakuya is wondering where you went..."

With the slightest of smiles, Yuki happily nods as Rukia and Yuki walked away happily, hand in hand while Orihime complains to Ichigo and Ichigo just stands there still dumbfounded on how he wasted his life on a brainless sagging mess when he could have gotten with a gorgeous babe like Rukia.


End file.
